Olivia Newton John

I was looking for something on SPIKE TV's website of all places and ran across a link they had featuring Olivia Newton John. Remember her? As a 41 year old, let me tell you, she featured large in my childhood (she got me through puberty ;-). In 1981 she was all over the radio and TV, the latter due to a one hour video special that featured all of the songs off of her "Physical" album. I remember being 11 or 12 and making time in my busy "Empire Strikes back" world to catch this thing on tv. It featured her rolling around on a beach in a t-shirt and bikini bottom and swimming with dolphins and exercising in a gym clad in spandex with a bunch of fat guys. The videos themselves were pretty freaky for the time, typical 80's, interesting for the most part with a few lip synched live pieces. The keyboardist in a few of them I'll always remember. I don't know what he was on, but he's sure hamming it up for the shoot!

The dripping sex appeal aside, I was amazed with her voice. (Amy Grant's voice does it for me too, as does Karen Carpenter's amazing vocal chords ). I was rebooting my attempts at the guitar and all her studio stuff had great strat sounds, the "Chucka Chucka" spanky skany comping stuff the studio rats do I'm still partial too this day.


So, in a throwback to my youth, check Olivia out. I always dug this song Make a move on me and was hopelessly in love with her in the early 80's (that dancing 2 step she does in the chorus slays me). All the current crop of female singers, from Lady Gaga to Fergie to Beyonce to Agulera(sp?),  whoever. Newsflash. You don't have to take all of your damn clothes off and swear like a trucker to make a powerful visual statement in a musical context. None of them have anything on her (and she's gonna be 62 this year, imagine that!).

When Atheists go door to door

Ahh, the Mormons, to whom I say, when they knock on my door on Saturday morning,

"Hey, I love your commercials!"

"Dad, dad, I got an A!"
"Billy! Don't slam the damned door!"

That's a great one. Ok, he probably doesn't say 'damned' because he's playing a Mormon, but the kids' all excited about doing well in school, wants to show Dad, but he runs inside the house and slams the front door and Dad yells at him, crushing the proud moment he wishes to share.

What that's got to do with being Mormon I have no idea, but I can be nice to my kids and still cling to my world of logic and scientific fact.

It's about that time, after I listen to 20 seconds of their spiel that I start talking to them about Bigfoot, the Patterson film, and I go and get my plaster castings from Bluff creek and see what they think about that... Always fun.

Anyway, this video is bloody hilarious. Thanks to Brooke for sharing..



Did you know your relatives were monkeys? God apparently used 98% of the same DNA (probably to save time on day 5 or 6)! Freaky!

The 2011 Census debacle

This is Tony Clement. He is the Canadian minister of Industry and oversees the department I work at. Normally I don't concern myself with politicians because everything they do is geared to pleasing someone of influence and trying to get re-elected so they can stay in power, but once in awhile you read about, or are affected by some boneheaded, short-sighted move on the government's part that just make you shake your head. The proposed change to the 2011 Census is one of those for me. Regardless of if you understand the issues and problems with going to a voluntary form versus a mandatory one, just consider this:

The last Chief Statistician of Canada, Ivan Fellegi, spent over 50 years with Statistics Canada (no, that is not a typo, he started there in 1957 and spent the last 23 as Canada's Chief Statistician before retiring in 2008). He says scrapping the long form is a bad thing and if that guy says something about statistics the government should bloody well listen. 

Munir Sheikh, his replacement in 2008 had been very quiet on the issue until tendering his resignation yesterday. He said in part:

"I want to take this opportunity to comment on a technical statistical issue which has become the subject of media discussion. This relates to the question of whether a voluntary survey can become a substitute for a mandatory census.

It can not.

Under the circumstances, I have tendered my resignation to the Prime Minister."

When someone resigns a post a day after their boss says they have their support, it's saying something. So it seems like he thinks it's a bad thing as well. For the record. I think it's a bad thing too (although I can't afford to quit over it).  I hope to hell other people who can make a difference join these guys and step up to the plate on this one. A lot of people who work there care about the data, and doing the best job they can, and preserving this time series.

So I guess what I'm saying is, if one doesn't understand the issues, it helps to seek advice and council from those that obviously do, and digest what they have to say before thinking you know everything like our politicians. And if the government should make a mistake, own up and reverse it and move on. We all make them. Saving face is dangerous.
  
What really burns me is that Clement acted like Statcan was endorsing this whole deal, which it did not. What appears to have happened is that our government decided to cancel the Census without any thought or foresight, consulted Statcan at some point after the fact to see what the replacement options were, disastrous as they may be and picked one. Also, as he says in this interview, the fact that he's using Twitter to measure his support on the issue is moronic! In fact, that's exactly like a volunteer census. You only get a minority of biased people who feel strongly about the issue that way, not to mention the fact that non-technical people won't be able to contact him there. Incidentally I read up on him for the first time today and found it interesting that he won his riding by only 28 votes.

Hey, probably it's just his boss (our prime Minister) making him do it. I hear that happens sometimes. 

I hate Earwigs

Mr Earwig. My BBQ is a horrible place to park your sorry carapace. Make with the fire!

Mmm. Crunchy!


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Can you make me a Missing Cat poster?

I got this email today. I was too damned busy to read it but it looked funny so I forwarded it to myself at home. This is just about the funniest thing I have read this quarter! Any of us in a computer service job will feel David's pain. I know I did. 

Muhahahahahahahahaha!

 

Reproduced from http://www.kevmo.net

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From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.20am
To: David
Subject: Poster Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan. 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone… possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out “Shannon, where are you?”
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David. 

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Poster
yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today. 

From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
I never said I don’t like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham ‘Choose Life’ t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small? 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
It’s a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David. 


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks. 



From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don’t come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.



From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost. 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks. 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon
Subject: Awww
Dear Shannon,
I don’t have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend’s cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn’t have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David
Subject: Re: Awww
Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat. 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Awww
I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says “I haven’t seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?” you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards, David. 


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Please just use the photo I gave you. 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan. 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it. 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Fine. That will have to do.

My Jesus isn't sticky

Due to the recent heat-wave, the double sided adhesive base of my dashboard bobble-head Jesus lost it's stickiness! It just plain melted away (like scientific fact in a bible!)

We have a Jesus down! I repeat, JC is down!






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I wonder what this guy does for a living?

Dr. Bum I presume?


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Combination bird-feeder/bug-zapper

I was over at my parents place for a swim and noticed they got rid of their bug zapper. You know, those wonderful blue glowing cages of electric bug death. The sound of one frying an insect brings back childhood memories of when I was 8 and would fall asleep to the neighbor's taking out insects into the wee hours of the night. It was always exciting when a junebug would get stuck in one. It sounded like someone trying to bring Frankenstein back to life.

So back to my parent's retired bug zapper. They have attached a bird-feeder in it's place. Which gave me an idea. They should make a combination bird feeder/bug zapper.

Only the "brave" birds get something to eat! (it would take care of the squirrel problems at the same time).