Tuesday, October 30, 2007

People who park like assholes bug me.

People who park like assholes really REALLY bug me. Today I went to Futureshop (to act like the typical north american consumer I am) and all the spots are taken so I park in the back of the parking lot. On the walk up to the store I see some parktard (google that term) right in front, right beside the handicapped space (which was taken up by some car with no handicapped sticker, which also bugs me) and his way cool pimped out compact sports car is parked at an angle taking up two spaces lest someone ding his door.
Don't the inconsiderate idiots who park like this know that parking like that just makes me WANT to ding their car?

There's a few parktards where I work but they can't get away with taking up two spaces (the parking fairy will give them a ticket) so they're sneaky. They have to get in fairly early and what they do is park at the end of a row and park diagonally on the last spot and on the grass, or just a small bit on the end-part of the parking lot that is not an official parking spot. In fact, it says "no parking". I think that deserves a ticket! I don't know why this bugs me just as much since they're not depriving me of a space, but it does. Must be the intelligence insulting 'I can't trust you not to ding my spectacular ride, so I'm going to make it hard to do so my taking up two spaces because my car is worth it and yours sucks!"

My car does suck. But I prefer it that way. I couldn't care less if some guy dinged my car.

I was reading some guy's blog and he said he saw some moron like that parked across two spaces and someone had left him a note on his windshield. It just said "F$&K YOU!"
I'm gonna start leaving notes like that.

One longtime parktard that I personally took action against was a woman with a FAKE handicapped sticker (she bought it somewhere, it was green or something, not blue like the issued ones) and she would park in front of the steps at the edge of the parking lot. You couldn't use the damn steps with her stupid car there. In the winter with the 4 foot snowbanks you had to shimmy past her car to reach the stairwell and I'd drag my backpack across her side panels hoping it would catch onto something and break it. It was either that or hold it over my head. I hope she had fun adjusting her mirrors every day. I blasted facilities a nasty email one day because once she blocking the damn stairs again, I detoured over the grass and stepped in a gopher hole and twisted my ankle. It was really funny to my buddies because we were all having to walk out onto the field (stairs were blocked by the parktard) and I was in the front so I turned around to walk backwards and rant about the parktard when, "THUMP" like a sack of potatoes!

They really moved after that email. It seems that clumsy people like myself who need to be protected against falling down and hurting themselves get all the attention. Try it sometime! They hear "workman's comp" and they move like the bejesus. Apparently I was not hte only one to complain, I was just the last. The "no parking" sign went up a week later.

Hey, did you know there are websites for people like me to vent on? Check out youparklikeanasshole.com. They have some official looking ticket thing you can print out and leave on people's cars. It looks like a parking ticket!

7 comments:

Paul said...

In case you were wondering, this post is now 2nd hit on googling 'parktard'.

lenzspot said...

I have always wondered if that was the same ankle you obliterated in that volleyball game. I laughed , I cried, I laughed again. There is something ironic about collapsing in a gopher hole all the while explaining how someone could hurt the mselves collapsing in a gopher hole.

Michael said...

and then making a movie who's real star is a mean nasty (but somewhat cute) gopher

Lloyd said...

Go to a printer and have this card printed off.
http://www.wellcoolstuff.com/thestore/prods/TFPSCP.html

kirok said...

Ah yes, the parktards. That reminds me of a Rob story. Short version, it was a Ford expedition with NY plates parked across FOUR spots at the AMC. Rob deprived himself of the opening commercials and many trailers in order to spend 10-15 minutes taking the air out of all four of the guy's tires. Needles to say, when we came out after the movie, the truck was still, parking lot now virtually deserted, and the owner nowhere to be seen.

Welcome to Canada Mr. Parktard!

Darin said...

At one of the service centres along the 401, I came in for a bite to eat and some dick had parked his convertible over not 2, not 3, but SIX parking spaces (on the centre line straddling 3 on each side of the car).

Now, it was a hot day and he had parked with the top down. Which was a great bonus to me because it seems I had an extra biggy fries when I came out and they accidentally fell into the open car... where they were quickly followed by 230927439582734985274 gulls.

Zartimus said...

Man, taking air out of tires, covering convertibles in seagull swirl through the use of Biggie fries!

You guys have great ideas!