Monday, March 29, 2010

Sneaky kid trick #16

60 minutes past bedtime, sneak downstairs, quietly belly-crawl into the kitchen so your dad can't hear you (he's busy pouring over a complicated piece of music on the couch), open the snack cubbard, expertly extract the box of Oreo cookies and belly-crawl into the 1st floor bathroom.

Celebrate your successful mission with an oreo double-stuff!

Then, clean up the evidence!


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Saturday, March 27, 2010

When you run out of dishwasher soap

Apparently guys, when you run out of dishwasher soap(the dry stuff), liquid dish soap is not a viable substitution. What's up with that?

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Sunday, March 21, 2010

Re-occurring dream - Phantom of the Opera Sting is trying to kill me again.

Lemon Meringue pie is good dream food. I had my reoccurring  "Sting is trying to kill me!" dream again. Instead of trying to drive me off a cliff in my own truck while he played bass and sang, this time he was dressed up like the Phantom of the Opera. In the dream I was on stage, playing electric guitar (for a change) in front of a huge crowd who were screaming and yelling and suddenly a sandbag on a rope dropped from the ceiling and hit the floor beside me. I looked up and there was that damned Sting again, on the catwalk in a cape cackling maniacally. His Fender Precision bass guitar came out of nowhere and he played it for 3 seconds and it disappeared up his arm like one of those movie sleeve guns. Then he dropped another sandbag. The crowd went wild again, either because the guitar is awesome or they really want Sting to kill me so I stop playing. Someone in the crowd yells "He's behind you!" like they do in Dora the Explorer. (Do YOU see Sting trying to kill you? Say YES!). Actually, I'm looking up and he's above me still (never trust the crowd). Suddenly the crowd fell silent and I woke up to my wife's hair dryer shutting off.

Next time I'm asleep, I told her, put the hair dryer on the floor away from anything flammable and leave it turned on. I gotta get that damned Sting in my dream before he gets me!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Motion sensor light switches

The last few months my kids have been leaving the lights on in the bathroom by mistake. Someone at work told me about these motion sensor switches that switch on when you walk in and switch off when you leave. I stuffed one in the 1st floor bathroom, and so far, it works great! Aside from plunging you in complete darkness after 10 seconds if you're pretty still when you're in there(just wave a limb around and it comes back on).
Now I'm looking for an automatic toilet flusher...

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The breakfast of all kids on March break

Cheese and ginger ale. I let my kid get up before me and she went about fending for herself today. Interesting..

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Wednesday, March 10, 2010



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Monday, March 08, 2010

Daddy, what kinda penis you got?

My five year old got a book out of the library. It's one of those kid books on where babies come from, cleverly illustrated cartoon-style with all the details.
Storytime was going pretty good until we got to this page. The previous page imparted the wisdom that boys and girls differ from each other in that girls "sit down" to go to the bathroom while boys "stand up" sometimes. Pretty simple! I'll have to remember that one!

But the following page delved into the "why is this one not like that one?" circumcised/un-circumcised question.
Which prompted my kid to ask:

"What kind of penis you got Daddy?" she points to the illustration " the one with the nose thing or the elephant looking one?"

Two minutes later, when I was able to stop laughing and breathe again I ducked the question, turned the page and changed the subject.

"look how many puppies a doggy can have!"

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Hey I can see my gnome!

Too bad I don't have a comparison photo, but mr gnome was under snow a week ago.

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Squirrel lungs

The cat next door is enjoying the early march smow melt. He hangs out in my backyard and ambushes small mammals. Then he leaves the remains at the foot of our stairs. I think that means he likes us.
I still haven't figured out what dead thing the cat dragged under the deck before the snow hit. It stopped smelling in December so I guess it doesn't matter much anymore...

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Monday, March 01, 2010

Congratulations USA on your silver medal!

You've come a long way and your goalie was scary!

Sorry!  ....