Monday, April 13, 2009

Why do gay men have sex in the woods near my geocache?

Have they all read this book? The reason I ask is I have this geocache which I planted here back in 2003 , and it being a nice sunny day and all, someone went to find it this week - and got something else they didn't bargain for. Now this isn't the first time this has happened, and some people have actually emailed me to close this one down, but I'm not there yet. I think it's a case of a few bad apples ruining a nice location in the city by following male hikers/geocachers and otherwise having sex in public. Opposite-sex sex in public places where you might take your kids for a hike or a picnic is just as bad as same-sex sex in said places.

And it's a double shame because it's the closest parking lot to the Ottawa River bike paths, which is what I use it for all the time!

Is it the high price of hotel rooms? Isn't it cold?

So what sometimes happens in the area my geocache is in is this. You show up with your GPS to do a little geocaching, you head down the path to where my container is and you sometimes get followed by curious gay men. According to posted logs by geocachers, they range in size and shape from fit 20 somethings to "old fat guys wearing sunglasses with no shirt and a ZZ-top beard". They don't make physical contact with you, as there is some complicated ritual that takes place beforehand and straight geocachers don't pass it, and the hint is quickly taken and they back off. Still. It's not the dark ages and gay men do not have to hide out in the woods to do that sort of stuff. Get a room!

I'd like to throw in my "I'm not a homophobic" disclaimer here. Gay people do not freak me out. It's a genetic difference that 10% of our population has. Overt sexual stuff that takes place in "pride" marches and the like bother me a bit in that I don't particularly like the sight of middle aged guys in assless chaps dancing on a downtown sidewalk when I'm taking my kids to the Museum of Nature.

"Is that a policeman Daddy?"
"Nope... he ripped his pants or something. Look over there at the Woolly Mammoth!"

There have been a few times where I have been approached by strange men looking for something all along the Ottawa River parkway. The first time it happened to me was in my 20's when I pulled into one of the parking areas because I missed a turn off into Rockcliffe and wanted to look at my map. As I was sitting there in my car some guy came over, opened up the passenger side and got in.

Uhh, WTF? I looked at him. He was older than me. I didn't know him. What was he suddenly doing in my car? So I asked him. Loudly. "WTF are you doing?" and he said (in an effeminate voice) "Sorry!" and got out and disappeared back into his own car. It dawned on me what was going on. When did that become ok? Should I do that to the next woman who pulls into the parking lot? Is that how one makes Friends around here?

Often in early 2002-2005 Tripper and I would geocache at night around there and when you parked in the lot and left your car there was always a lot of interest on the part of the other people parked there. Until we started strapping on gear and tech and harnesses and backpacks and unpacked these cop flashlights, headlamps and big 1 million candlepower beams, plus a ton of camera equipment. Then they would clear out, sometimes driving away quickly in case we were some type of law enforcement. That was kinda funny.

Throughout the early 90's I used to get propositioned in bathrooms, especially the McDonald's rest-rooms in the Market where strange men like to watch you pee (hey I even blogged that one), the Corel center of all places, and also elevators. There was a lull 1998 to 2003 when I weighed 250 pounds (50 to 55 pounds overweight for me), which is funny but it started back up after Project Ketosis brought me back to my proper weight. I guess some of these guys are superficial - "But I have a great personality!!!! Really!!!" (grin)

What really creeped me out about this geocache thing is the following website someone directed me too. It advertises this location as a pickup site. It has other places too, including the bathroom I used to get hassled at. Check it out. It's very freaky. I didn't think most gay men were like this but I guess if you think about it, testosterone on testosterone, the aggressive casual promiscuity makes sense.

So I'm leaving the geocache there. I'll put a disclaimer. And when I start my next movie, I'm going in there with a full camera crew and see what goes on there. Might make for some funny bloopers!


Michael said...

Start your next movie? As if :-)

Kenmore said...

Hey, maybe sitting in your car reading a map is "the sign"...

Zartimus said...

I can't finish the movie until Mike commits to his nude alien abduction scene.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I'm gay, and I assure that is a small population of gay people that do that. It's probably the same percent of the straight population that has sex in public (like on the job, or in alleys and bars downtown where I go out with my straight friends. I've seen it many times.).

Most of us are just like you in that we think it's disgusting. It gives the rest of us a bad image.

Anonymous said...

Most of the guys that cruise parks, etc are married or just whores that like the hunt. My father once got followed on a public trail and he didnt know why?. I told my mother what the deal was and she laughed. I told him and he was RED! He walks elsewhere now! ;)

Scrappydoopup said...

it seems a waste to spend the money and get a hotel room for something that's just going to last 10 minutes -- perhaps when the economy improves.

Joe said...

Being gay is a "genetic difference"?

Unknown said...

Yes it is a genetic difference. However you still have a choice and free will