Thursday, December 07, 2006

Orleans Light Parade

Another year of sitting on the curb in the cold watching ten billion led lights gliding past. Boy the kids like it though. And they hand out candy! We got smart the last couple years. Now we park at the START of the parade, not the middle, or the end. That way, when it starts at 6:00pm, we don't have to wait 30 minutes till the first float reaches us! Our secret parking spot has been compromised though. The old Canadian Tire has been bought out and some other kinds store is going in and they hired some poor guy to basically wear a hard-hat near the entrance and bark at all of us who tried to park there that (and I quote):

"We're paving the parking lot tonight and I'm calling a towtruck and anyone who parks here is gonna get towed! Grrrrrrrrrrrr!" And then he kinda looked at us and bristled with one eyeball bigger than the other like Bluto in the old Popeye cartoons.

It makes perfect crap sense does it not? You're gonna pave a parking lot in winter. At night. On the same night Orleans holds the biggest parade of the year that starts a few blocks from your doorstep. For which the cops close ALL the roads for like 2 and a half hours. During which no one gets in or out. Pedestrians basically sit in the street to watch this. Oh yeah.. You got me scared buddy.. Sure that tow truck is gonna get called and get down here in time to wait 2 and a half hours behind the police barricade just so it can come in and tow one car(if that). I hope it's one of the private gys who works on commision!

I turned around though and spotted a sweeter spot by the side of the road. Seeya Bluto! I'd rather he just have the style to say "Basically the owners are assholes and they just don't want anyone using the parking lot of their new store that is closed and set to open in a month for something as silly as a big Christmas Parade." Maybe the lady at my office who is offended by the word Christmas owns the place now?

My Mom and Dad's fire truck was in the parade. At the end they parked the pump and went into the Orleans city hall type building and my Mom ran into a guy she recognized. She had been at a party the night before and this bald fellow had been drunk as a skunk.

"Why hello there!" She goes "Well, I hope you didn't drive home from Wakefield last night, with all that booze you drank!"

The guy greets her and says "Why no, I can honestly say I did not drive home drunk last night from Wakefield!" He laughs. So does my Dad, who is behind my Mom.
"Really? That's good!" My Mom says "Because you were three sheets to the wind! You told me all kinds of stuff about yourself, I'll bet your freinds don't even know!"
The guy laughs again. My Dad has a huge smile on his face now.
"Oh yeah?" Says the bald guy, "What did I tell you?"
My Mom eleborates and at this point my Dad stepped forward and says
"She don't know who you are.." and taps the embroidered name on the guy's winter coat.

Larry O'Brian. Ottawa's new mayor-elect from last week.

Wrong bald guy mom(grin)..

1 comment:

Jen_nifer said...

I would have let you park in our driveway, but alas, we are located smack-dab half-way through the parade and indeed do have to wait 30 minutes for it to get to us every year.