When Atheists go door to door

Ahh, the Mormons, to whom I say, when they knock on my door on Saturday morning,

"Hey, I love your commercials!"

"Dad, dad, I got an A!"
"Billy! Don't slam the damned door!"

That's a great one. Ok, he probably doesn't say 'damned' because he's playing a Mormon, but the kids' all excited about doing well in school, wants to show Dad, but he runs inside the house and slams the front door and Dad yells at him, crushing the proud moment he wishes to share.

What that's got to do with being Mormon I have no idea, but I can be nice to my kids and still cling to my world of logic and scientific fact.

It's about that time, after I listen to 20 seconds of their spiel that I start talking to them about Bigfoot, the Patterson film, and I go and get my plaster castings from Bluff creek and see what they think about that... Always fun.

Anyway, this video is bloody hilarious. Thanks to Brooke for sharing..



Did you know your relatives were monkeys? God apparently used 98% of the same DNA (probably to save time on day 5 or 6)! Freaky!

The 2011 Census debacle

This is Tony Clement. He is the Canadian minister of Industry and oversees the department I work at. Normally I don't concern myself with politicians because everything they do is geared to pleasing someone of influence and trying to get re-elected so they can stay in power, but once in awhile you read about, or are affected by some boneheaded, short-sighted move on the government's part that just make you shake your head. The proposed change to the 2011 Census is one of those for me. Regardless of if you understand the issues and problems with going to a voluntary form versus a mandatory one, just consider this:

The last Chief Statistician of Canada, Ivan Fellegi, spent over 50 years with Statistics Canada (no, that is not a typo, he started there in 1957 and spent the last 23 as Canada's Chief Statistician before retiring in 2008). He says scrapping the long form is a bad thing and if that guy says something about statistics the government should bloody well listen. 

Munir Sheikh, his replacement in 2008 had been very quiet on the issue until tendering his resignation yesterday. He said in part:

"I want to take this opportunity to comment on a technical statistical issue which has become the subject of media discussion. This relates to the question of whether a voluntary survey can become a substitute for a mandatory census.

It can not.

Under the circumstances, I have tendered my resignation to the Prime Minister."

When someone resigns a post a day after their boss says they have their support, it's saying something. So it seems like he thinks it's a bad thing as well. For the record. I think it's a bad thing too (although I can't afford to quit over it).  I hope to hell other people who can make a difference join these guys and step up to the plate on this one. A lot of people who work there care about the data, and doing the best job they can, and preserving this time series.

So I guess what I'm saying is, if one doesn't understand the issues, it helps to seek advice and council from those that obviously do, and digest what they have to say before thinking you know everything like our politicians. And if the government should make a mistake, own up and reverse it and move on. We all make them. Saving face is dangerous.
  
What really burns me is that Clement acted like Statcan was endorsing this whole deal, which it did not. What appears to have happened is that our government decided to cancel the Census without any thought or foresight, consulted Statcan at some point after the fact to see what the replacement options were, disastrous as they may be and picked one. Also, as he says in this interview, the fact that he's using Twitter to measure his support on the issue is moronic! In fact, that's exactly like a volunteer census. You only get a minority of biased people who feel strongly about the issue that way, not to mention the fact that non-technical people won't be able to contact him there. Incidentally I read up on him for the first time today and found it interesting that he won his riding by only 28 votes.

Hey, probably it's just his boss (our prime Minister) making him do it. I hear that happens sometimes. 

I hate Earwigs

Mr Earwig. My BBQ is a horrible place to park your sorry carapace. Make with the fire!

Mmm. Crunchy!


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Can you make me a Missing Cat poster?

I got this email today. I was too damned busy to read it but it looked funny so I forwarded it to myself at home. This is just about the funniest thing I have read this quarter! Any of us in a computer service job will feel David's pain. I know I did. 

Muhahahahahahahahaha!

 

Reproduced from http://www.kevmo.net

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From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.20am
To: David
Subject: Poster Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan. 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone… possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out “Shannon, where are you?”
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David. 

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Poster
yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today. 

From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
I never said I don’t like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham ‘Choose Life’ t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small? 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
It’s a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David. 


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks. 



From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don’t come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.



From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost. 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks. 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon
Subject: Awww
Dear Shannon,
I don’t have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend’s cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn’t have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David
Subject: Re: Awww
Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat. 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Awww
I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says “I haven’t seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?” you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards, David. 


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Please just use the photo I gave you. 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan. 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it. 


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Fine. That will have to do.

My Jesus isn't sticky

Due to the recent heat-wave, the double sided adhesive base of my dashboard bobble-head Jesus lost it's stickiness! It just plain melted away (like scientific fact in a bible!)

We have a Jesus down! I repeat, JC is down!






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I wonder what this guy does for a living?

Dr. Bum I presume?


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Combination bird-feeder/bug-zapper

I was over at my parents place for a swim and noticed they got rid of their bug zapper. You know, those wonderful blue glowing cages of electric bug death. The sound of one frying an insect brings back childhood memories of when I was 8 and would fall asleep to the neighbor's taking out insects into the wee hours of the night. It was always exciting when a junebug would get stuck in one. It sounded like someone trying to bring Frankenstein back to life.

So back to my parent's retired bug zapper. They have attached a bird-feeder in it's place. Which gave me an idea. They should make a combination bird feeder/bug zapper.

Only the "brave" birds get something to eat! (it would take care of the squirrel problems at the same time).

Canada day cake (sorta)

Kinda.. Heheheh. The red splotches are supposed to be Maple leaves.


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Pool games

It's funny how the pool games changed after the Kids and I watched Titanic.



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The midnight cookie bandit strikes again!

I thought I heard something around 11:00pm.



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RCA SPS 3600 - How to set the damned clock when you've lost the manual.

RCA SPS 3600 Kitchen Radio with CD Player and MP3 Docking Station

We bought one of these things last year. We needed a under-shelf mounting radio/CD/MP3 player for the kitchen and this fit the bill. The manual got eaten by wild Jackalopes and the clock has been wrong for ages since our self-induced power failure last month so I went online to look for the manual in PDF form. NADA! ZIP! RCA's web site doesn't have it. The Yahoo site that stores manuals has a broken link and I don't trust that instruct2 site that promises to send you a link to the manual after you provide them your email address and other stuff.

So I looked for the previous model (3200). Same deal. Nothing. Why every company in the world doesn't put all of it's manuals on the Internet in PDF form is beyond me. Then it was time to revisit the first option I had tried and failed at, trail and error. Push every combination of buttons on the thing alone and in series, powered on and powered off until you magically stumble upon the combination you need. In most cases they are spread apart so that even client's with ham hock fingers can do it! And after a few more minutes, here's how you set the damned clock when you've lost your manual (posted here for all the other poor consumers who need to know).

Turn the unit off by the console (display will dim but you can still see the time) and hold the MEM button for a few seconds. Display will flash and then you can change the Hour with the CD Track Reverse button and change the Minute with the CD Track Advance button (those are the controls to the right of the unit between the "+" and "-" volume buttons). Then Press the MEM button one last time to lock in the setting.

Enjoy!

RCA sucks for not PDF'ing this manual online.

The Skeeter Vac

I bought a second-hand Skeeter vac a month ago. They are those magic things hooked up to propane that reek of deer breath and does a uv lightshow inside to lure biting insects to their deaths. It's not a zapper but more of a giant mosquito sucking device. The thing works like you wouldn't believe! I emptied it a week ago and I just checked the thing today and it was so full, no more Mosquitos would fit! When I popped the tray open the compacted bug bodies sprang up and went everywhere but the tray was still packed full!

I'm not sure of the range of the thing but I'm pretty sure we're doing all the neighbors a huge favour!

Death to Skeeters!





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Death by Crocs

I love those stupid lookin' shoes. They is ugly, but they shore is comfortable!

Trouble is, I wore the soles down so smooth, every step on slippery surface is a death wish. Last week I was out on my deck after the rain and I accidentally went skiing down the wet stairs in my old crocs. I managed to stop before hurtling through the 2nd floor deck posts and falling to earth and I vowed to chuck them and buy a new pair!

I had my chance a few days later on movie night. I was meeting the guys at la red stick in Kanata and there was a sports experts just across from it. I popped into the reasurant, saw one guy had arrived and grabbed a table so I told him I'd be back in 5 minutes.

I was going to pull a Jack Reacher. Buy new and leave the old ones on the floor of the store. Well, all they had were stupid leprechaun green crocs with racing stripes, not the nice brown ones I was sporting, so screw that noise! I went back to the reasturant. The guy holding our table had an interesting suggestion for me when he heard my dillema. His idea was to heat up a fork and dig it into the soles to make new thread marks (not a bad idea!).

On the way to the movie, it rained and every second paving stone in Centrum is smooth and my crocs skitter across them like I'm walking on Vaseline (stupid crocs).

Tonight I arrived home to find that my wife had bought me a pair! $4.95 at Somethingmart! They're not the same as I had but they are a lot less dangerous so the old pair is now in the poobelle.



My deathwish crocs.

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Pool heater super goodness

We haven't gotten the first post pool gas bill yet but so far, ye old pool heater is looking like the best investment of the summer! Floating in non sub-zero water for four nights in a row is way cool. I'm glad we came to the conclusion that we live in Canada and needed one.


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The government sex store

I try and put some thought into what I call server sharenames. They tend to hang around awhile and if you name it right, they are short, identifiable for what they are, and easy to remember.

So when it came time to come up with a name for our secondary storage NAS partition, I decided to call it SECSTOR. Say this now out loud. I did this for the first time today explaining to a female colleague that our SECSTOR was a good place to store old files because it's cheaper(the discs are not as fast).

It reminds me of the time I linked some files for an old co-worker named Arther and copied them to his home directory which he linked to with the drive letter F:

I told him I put the files in F:\ART

It comes out funny in meetings...

Battle of Arracourt

Don't just watch it on the History Channel. Re-enact it in the family room!

Muhahahaha!

I love Shermans!

Me 2 Hornets zero!

I took out two hornet nests attached to my house over the past few days. They were little itty bitty ones with only a few dozen of the flying 'I can sting you as many times as I want' yellow jackets. What do they do anyway? Bees help pollinate and make honey. I like that, but what do Wasps and Hornets do for me?

The task went well this time. Because the nests were small, softball sized, they just took a 60 second shot of water from the hose each. If you get the hole at the bottom, the little buggers can't get out and you drown them all before the nest gets so water-logged it plops to the ground. Then you can ground spray it into Oblivion.

The only thing you have to be concerned about are the wasps who aren't home at the time of your assault, and come back to find you spraying the bejesus out of their old homestead. They tend to get pissed off about that and hopefully you're done and can run!

I made the mistake of forgetting about this a few years ago on a much larger nest at my old place and ran like a fool, aImost taking out my fence in the process. I came up with a plan involving a cinder block, duct tape, and a bungie cord. I let everything calm down, mounted a cinder block about 10 feet from the nest, aimed the hose nozzel at it and duct taped it into position on the block. Then with the water shut off the trigger was wrapped with a bungie cord but not before I tooth-picked a stick in there to keep the bungie from closing the trigger. I rigged a line to the trigger, pulled the stick out and WHAMMO! Missed the nest by a foot. I shut the water off and re-aimed. It was at this point I realized the bungie trigger was moot because I could lock the trigger open and just turn on the hose(doh! Oh well, it was fun to build!).

From the safety of my side yard, I unleashed hell (or Atlantis) on the hive of pestilence and watched as 3 of the buggers followed the hose spray right to the nozzel and landed on the back of it! Wow, they put two and two together! Smart! As it turns out, that's where the gifted program for insects ended because they didn't follow the hose to me as their little wasp pad dropped to the deck scattering larvae and dead Wasps everywhere.

Oh the humanity!



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Ottawa Flyers Fan

Got a crappy white car? Have a favorite hockey team and some trem-clad rust paint? Why pay for fancy airbrushing when you can do it yourself!


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Lambourgini's in Orleans

3rd I've seen in three days. I'm in the wrong line of work . Two days ago police had a yellow one pulled over on my street and yesterday one passed me on Innes road. There used to be a Lotus Esprit turbo (my favorite car) living a few streets over but that one's long gone.

I wonder how many car-seats you can fit in those?


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TPGMBF3 test footage tank 01

I had a few minutes this evening and managed to shoot some test footage I had bouncing around in my head for the next TPGMBF movie (part 3 if anyone's counting). I hopped on my bike with the camera on a monopod and filmed some front and then side video on my street. I reversed the frontal (you can hear me talking backwards on-camera) and then shot footage of my remote control Sherman tank in front of an outdoor  green screen. This certainly fixes the lighting problems. You get a good match if you can do it in the same conditions as the background footage.

I shot some pilot footage and jammed myself in the turret and match-moved it to the tank. The next test I'll try to rig a point of reference off the camera to mo cap and slave the tank object too so it behaves itself in the frame. And then match the speed better. The treads are flying but my bike wasn't all that fast.

Corney but I think it's gonna work. I picture a scene with like, 4 of us hanging out the cockpit somehow.