No, I haven't been attacked by a pooch again. My wife and I were catching the Season premiere of LOST (the best damned show on television!) as our kids were ransacking the upstairs. Lost started at 9:00, we put them down at 8:00 but they weren't getting with the program. We threatened and stomped upstairs and put them to bed a few times but it just wasn't taking.. Screw that Super Nanny crap! I'd like to see her come to my house and work her mojo, the darn kids just aren't sleepy. I guess we didn't run them long enough on the treadmill (ah well, next time!).So I turned the sourround sound up louder and we decided to let them police themselves. After a little while, our eldest came downstairs to tell us the TV was too loud. I told her it was loud because we couldn't hear the show with all the running back and forth in the bedroom hallway and that we'd turn it down if they'd go to bed. My wife said something else (in her angry voice!) and our eldest scampered back upstairs, but not after wiping out on the tile floor. Add crying to the cacaphony of sound. Julie goes upstairs grumbling as our daughter is crying that she cut herself.
Well, that's Karma, I thought, you mess around and don't go to bed and whammo, something bad happens. Then Julie gave a yell of concern, "Holy Crap, there's blood all over the place!"
Uhh oh.. I quickly ran upstairs.
As it turns out, daughter number one didn't cut herself just then. She cut herself about 60 seconds earlier hiding in her closet trying to scare the crap out of her sister who was fooling around and running into her room in the dark. She came shooting out of the closet and clipped her toe on the metal door slider groove on the floor.
And bled all over the closet. Then she chased her sister over to her window...
And bled all over the carpet... Then she decided to come downstairs and tell us the tv was too loud...
And bled all over the stairs... Then she stood at the top of the stairs to the basement...
And bled all over the tile floor.. Then she turned to run up stairs...
And slipped in the droplets of blood everywhere...
We used 12 cans of soda water and an entire roll of paper towels(we ran out, it was the last one) to clean up the bloodfest. There were clumps and drops of it everywhere. My daughter didn't need a blood transfusion or anything, but she managed to bleed over a very wide area mostly on the WHITE carpeting. Man if the CSI team ever comes to my house with the spray can of luminol, you'd swear there'd been a murder!Lost was pretty good though. Thank god for the ability to pause live TV, we got back to it after 30 minutes of clean up. The upside to all this is that the kids haven't been out of bed after lights out one night this week! Screw Super Nanny! All we needed was a bloodbath!
Hahahahahaha!!!
1 comment:
When I was 12 I decided, for whatever reason, to change the blades in my dad's utility knife. Of course, after I changed the blades, I *HAD* to test it, so I got some cardboard and started hacking away... under the RED light that we had at the bottom of the stairs.
Eventually, I noticed that the cardboard was a bit mushy, so I removed the red screen and saw clearly that I'd managed to nick(*) myself and had sort of bled a bit - hence the mushy cardboard. The cut was so sharp and so clean with the new blade that I didn't even feel it.(**)
I ran upstairs and went through about 23498327495 bandaids trying to patch up before my mother got curious. By that point it pretty much looked like I'd been clubbing seals all the way from the basement to the kitchen, with nice little pools at the bottom of the stairs and the kitchen counter.
Needless to say, she wasn't impressed, but we did get the bleeding stopped without a trip to the hospital.
(*) "nick" as in right clean through the top of my left thumb, almost severing the last 1/8" right off, AND through my left index finger almost to the bone.
(**) also because the nick severed the nerve in the end of my finger... I had a numb finger for over 20 years from that day. It still isn't 100%.
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