Friday, February 10, 2006

Sex Ed gone bad - 1970 - Men's menstrual cycles.

I was out geocaching last Friday with Tripper and I dunno how we got on the topic, but I ended up regurgitating an embarrassing story from way back when. When I was in grade 6 at EMCS, we were apparently the first bunch of middle school kids to receive co-ed sex education. To some of us 11 year olds, it was a pretty confusing topic. For instance... Our teacher was talking to us about a women's menstrual cycle and she said something like, "It's important to keep clean during it, because it can smell bad.". So I'm sitting there, staring off into space, not really paying attention because as I see it, it doesn't really apply to me when my locker partner "Suf" whispers jokingly into my ear:
"I'll bet Shawn doesn't wash during his period!..".
I laughed - I Guffawed, and hard! and got in trouble..Shawn was this kid in our class that was one year older than everyone and constantly smelled of shit. Like he made a habit of stepping in it every day, or he wasn't a big believer in the value of toilet paper or something like that,. To insinuate that Shawn smelled like this because he had a menstrual cycle was so absurd I found it extra funny! Way to go "Suf!".. hehehehe.. I'll take the detention for that one.. Hehehehee.
Anyhow, a few minutes later he said it again, this time about the 2nd smelliest kid in the class (Yes, we had a ranking of the rank and don't even ask, I was not top 20, not even close,..) and it sounded weird. Like... He was trying to be funny, but not absurd.. like he was missing some great detail in all of this.. The fact that men don't have periods. I started to get at that very moment that he had it in his head that getting your period was something both sexes experienced on a monthly basis..
I take it at Suf's house they didn't talk to much about the birds and the bees at home, but this was pretty bad.. I didn't know what to say, so I asked my best friend Geoff, who knew immediately what to do..
Geoff was a nice guy, but he loved a good practical joke, even if it was a hurtful one..I told Geoff, and Geoff did what any sensitive friend would. He sympathized with Suf. In fact, Friday after school, he told Suf that HE Geoff himself, had had his period, it was no big deal, and not to worry, for when Suf was mature enough, he too would have his...
Suf started to ask questions. Geoff didn't blink. What to expect? Well, he laid it all out. Blood leaks out of your belly button. You have to wad up Kleenex in a ball and tape it over there so you don't get blood on everything. You trickle blood for about three days and then it goes away, starts again in a month.
So...Suf goes home for the weekend and on Monday morning at school, what do you know! Whammo! He comes over to Geoff and I and pulls up his shirt, where he has a wad of Kleenex taped over his belly button, with some red marker on it or something...
"Hey!" he whispers.. "I got my period!!!!" he gives us the thumbs up!. We give it back, turn around and collapse on the ground in laughter as he leaves. The trouble was, he wasn't finished. He wasn't content to just tell us. He started telling EVERYBODY! That he was mature, and got his period, and blood comes out your belly button but it's ok, you just put a wad of Kleenex there and tape it, etc...
Later that day in the principal's office, as I was sitting there listening to the teacher who had over heard Suf telling a group of girls about his menstrual cycle recount this sorry state of affairs to the Principal and debating over what to do with me and Geoff I was hit with a feeling of great injustice! The principal said something like "Well boys, what do you think should be done here!" and I went off on this big tirade.
"Well Suf lied! If he would have just not lied to everyone about getting his period this never would have happened! He should be up here with us for lying about this whole thing!".....
Didn't work.. We had to copy pages 350-page 370 in the dictionary word for word on 8x11 pieces of paper.

And Suf? By Tuesday he said he did it all just to get us in trouble.. ...Suuuuuure..... Must be PMS..

1 comment:

Geoff said...

South Park totally ripped us off! lol