This is my neighbor's cat. I don't know which neighbor exactly, but I'm sure it's somebody close. I took the photo from my kitchen window this morning. This cat likes to use my kid's sandbox as it's personal toilet and this makes me kinda mad.
I'm getting sick of raking the sand each day they go to play in it because they invariably find some brown squishy smelly stuff and hand it to me and ask "Oohhh, yucky, what is that Daddy?"
"Ohh, that's cat clay, give me that. Ok, go inside and wash your hands, daddy will get the rake..."
I guess the cat doesn't know any better, hey, If I was outside somewhere in the forest and came across a huge toilet in the middle of nowhere that dwarfed my own at home (or urinal.. yeah, let's make that a huge urinal, I don't have one of those at home. That's why they're so fun to use at work) you can bet I'd give it a go if nature called.
So it's not the stupid cat's fault. I'm not a cat person. I'm a dog person. Dogs actually like human beings whereas cats couldn't give a hoot about whether you lived or died. I guess this makes cats slightly psychopathic. I don't hate cats really, not since I saw this documentary on them and found out what killing machines they are. If you keep track of the small animals and birds a typical outdoor cat kills, they run up some huge numbers!
So back to the cat. It's not exactly the cat's fault it shits on my property, it's the owners that let it walk around outside and crap wherever it the hell it wants. I guess they like it that way, keeps the crap outta their yard and cuts down on the smell all cat owners contend with by keeping a box of poo inside their house.
But the owners weren't in my backyard this morning. The cat was.
I was in my bathrobe, eating my fruit loops when I saw the cat so I took a picture. Then I grabbed my bullwhip, quietly slid the door open, and snuck out. I closed the door, tip-toed a few feet to get a good running start and was on top of the cat before it really knew I was there(grin). The cat did a quick double-take with a very strange expression on his face, like a conceited "Oh, it's just a human. what the hell does he think he's doing? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!". It's eyes got HUGE!
I thundered down on it and it turned and leaped 5 feet vertically up in the air trying to jump over my fence as I let a nice big sonic boom go off under his butt(a bullwhip crack can break the sound barrier, 700 miles per hour). His huge jump didn't work because I have a six feet PVC fence(grin). It smacked the top of the plastic scrambling at it trying to hold on like a cartoon cat and slid down with me almost right on top of it. The cat jagged and got by me and sprinted 60 feet to the front gate in my fence where he probably squeezed under to gain entry, but it wasn't thinking straight. I got another crack off about 4 feet in back of him. I wasn't trying to hit him, I just wanted to give him something to remember (if I would have hit him I wouldn't have gotten the nice big loud bullwhip crack I was going for). Instead of going under it leaped vertical again (the gate is 6 feet as well) and did the cartoon shuffle and slid down and hit the grass. He jagged again (he was scared shitless at this point) and ran the 60 feet back where I had first cornered him and turned left down to the back of my garage. That was a really bad idea because that's a dead end. I turned the corner and..
It was gone.
Hehehehehe. I think it squeezed under my fence and got into the other neighbor's yard or it had gotten really smart and hid under my deck. In any event, mission accomplished(for now).
I wonder if he'll be back.