Thursday, June 07, 2007

Scaring the shit out of the neighbor's cat...

This is my neighbor's cat. I don't know which neighbor exactly, but I'm sure it's somebody close. I took the photo from my kitchen window this morning. This cat likes to use my kid's sandbox as it's personal toilet and this makes me kinda mad.
I'm getting sick of raking the sand each day they go to play in it because they invariably find some brown squishy smelly stuff and hand it to me and ask "Oohhh, yucky, what is that Daddy?"
"Ohh, that's cat clay, give me that. Ok, go inside and wash your hands, daddy will get the rake..."

I guess the cat doesn't know any better, hey, If I was outside somewhere in the forest and came across a huge toilet in the middle of nowhere that dwarfed my own at home (or urinal.. yeah, let's make that a huge urinal, I don't have one of those at home. That's why they're so fun to use at work) you can bet I'd give it a go if nature called.
So it's not the stupid cat's fault. I'm not a cat person. I'm a dog person. Dogs actually like human beings whereas cats couldn't give a hoot about whether you lived or died. I guess this makes cats slightly psychopathic. I don't hate cats really, not since I saw this documentary on them and found out what killing machines they are. If you keep track of the small animals and birds a typical outdoor cat kills, they run up some huge numbers!
So back to the cat. It's not exactly the cat's fault it shits on my property, it's the owners that let it walk around outside and crap wherever it the hell it wants. I guess they like it that way, keeps the crap outta their yard and cuts down on the smell all cat owners contend with by keeping a box of poo inside their house.

But the owners weren't in my backyard this morning. The cat was.

I was in my bathrobe, eating my fruit loops when I saw the cat so I took a picture. Then I grabbed my bullwhip, quietly slid the door open, and snuck out. I closed the door, tip-toed a few feet to get a good running start and was on top of the cat before it really knew I was there(grin). The cat did a quick double-take with a very strange expression on his face, like a conceited "Oh, it's just a human. what the hell does he think he's doing? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!". It's eyes got HUGE!

I thundered down on it and it turned and leaped 5 feet vertically up in the air trying to jump over my fence as I let a nice big sonic boom go off under his butt(a bullwhip crack can break the sound barrier, 700 miles per hour). His huge jump didn't work because I have a six feet PVC fence(grin). It smacked the top of the plastic scrambling at it trying to hold on like a cartoon cat and slid down with me almost right on top of it. The cat jagged and got by me and sprinted 60 feet to the front gate in my fence where he probably squeezed under to gain entry, but it wasn't thinking straight. I got another crack off about 4 feet in back of him. I wasn't trying to hit him, I just wanted to give him something to remember (if I would have hit him I wouldn't have gotten the nice big loud bullwhip crack I was going for). Instead of going under it leaped vertical again (the gate is 6 feet as well) and did the cartoon shuffle and slid down and hit the grass. He jagged again (he was scared shitless at this point) and ran the 60 feet back where I had first cornered him and turned left down to the back of my garage. That was a really bad idea because that's a dead end. I turned the corner and..

It was gone.

Hehehehehe. I think it squeezed under my fence and got into the other neighbor's yard or it had gotten really smart and hid under my deck. In any event, mission accomplished(for now).

I wonder if he'll be back.

10 comments:

lenzspot said...

I am calling the Humane Society.

Lifto said...

Where do cats go (when they're not pooping in the sandbox)...

http://www.mr-lee-catcam.de/index.htm

Jen_nifer said...

That's why they sell sandboxes with lids for $20. So cats don't confuse them with litterboxes.

Lif_to said...

That's why they sell $20.00 dogs. Tie one to the sandbox!

zartimus said...

I'll add a photo of the sandbox. It's not really a sandbox. It's a small provincial park.

zartimus said...

> lenzspot said...
> I am calling the Humane Society.

Wait a few days, then they can take the cat with them (I'll bag it)

Darin said...

My wife uses sprinklers with motion detectors - critter (usually cat) wanders where the detector can see it, sprinkler fires.

Usually the noise is enough, the cat doesn't even have to get wet.

The sprinklers have also proven effective on other critters than cats, such as mailmen and gas meter readers that can't seem to stay on the path.

-geoSquid

Darin said...

>That's why they sell sandboxes with
>lids for $20. So cats don't confuse
>them with litterboxes.

That's a fee people with wandering cats should have to pay.

As I have explained it to my neighbours: I don't get to wander into your yard and take a dump, why should you get to send animals over to dump in mine?

In my yard, they tear up the gardens, dump everywhere, stalk at my bird feeders, and scratch up my car with gritty feet.

Arguments like "well cats have to roam" don't cut it. Cats can be kept indoors. Cats can be leashed.

I've always wondered why, as a society, we tolerate people letting their cats run but not people letting their dogs run.

I hate Cat shit said...

That was the best laugh i've had all day. The comments that some people left made me laugh at how ignorant cat owners are thanks now I'm going to kick my neighbors cat up the ass if i can catch him

Anonymous said...

I feel for you! I am having terrible problems with neighbours in our area and their roaming cats. I have strictly indoor cats, so it really pisses me off when people let their cats wander and they mark my backyard as their territory.

We used to have a pond with goldfish, but we gave up on that after finding too many cats out on a fishing excursion.

I asked our local animal control agency and was told I would have to pay a fee to have the animals trapped and taken away. The fee to have them trapped is FAR more than the fine given to the negligent pet owners.

We live in a city area, not a rural farm area where the cats would have tons of space on the owners property.

I am seriously considering investing in a crossbow. Even our bylaw officers seem to think this isn't an issue despite the fact that have existing bylaws (largely unenforced).

I like cats, but I like my property more without the spraying and the defecating. It's only a matter of time before I wake up to find a litter of kittens abandoned under my deck. Do I have to pay a FEE to have those removed too?