Friday, April 07, 2006

Protect the pavement! Tow the innocent!

Friday... My wife had a luncheon to celebrate something at work, so I got a call in the afternoon that the truck she drove there was staying put and that I was picking her up(grin). It was the responsible thing to do, so I headed out there, drove up to the bar-type place and a bouncer was outside directing traffic.. "Parking lot's full, sorry..." No place to park. So after a five minute 23 point turn to get out of there I headed out to the other parking lot in the mall, that belonging to a Chinese food place. The Chinese food place was certainly not doing as good business as the bar was but for some reason it has a parking lot 4 times the size (I really think they should work a deal). So I parked in the totally empty lot, there was just one other car there, some kind of security guard guy (maybe he'll keep an eye on my car! Cool! I can feel safe leaving it here all night while I drive the other one home..) and started to walk to the bar.
The security car followed me. We all know what this means, this guy has been hired to guard the empty parking lot from people like me who park there so they can drive their drunk spouses home. Bastard! I tried to make it look like I was going for Chinese food but he made me.. He was a splitting image of Peewee from the Porkys movies.

He pulled up beside me and rolled down his window.
"Are you headed to Grace O'malley's sir?"
"You can't park your vehicle there, I'll have to have it towed".
"Out of that empty parking lot?"
"Yes sir"
"How long do you think it will take you to get a tow truck here?" I asked.
"Five minutes" And he looked dead serious.. I'm pretty sure unless there was a 10 car pile up on the Queeensway, and the tow truck drivers weren't busy backing up over the bodies of the injured thrown from their cars trying to get the tow, they would indeed be up for a little parking enforcement.
I asked for his card. It's cleverly designed to look like the City of Ottawa Bylaw dudes. I started to rant. I was there being a good Samaritan. bla bla bla I don't drink beer. I have to take my other vehicle home and leave this one overnight. Would you rather someone drink and drive instead? Bla Bla bla....


"Tow it. I'll race ya!" I started towards the bar.. He got on his radio. I went into the bar to find my wife but I couldn't FIND HER! So I came out looking sheepish and I MOVED MY CAR! I found a chip truck across the street and the owner goes to Florida for the winter so I figured that was ok. I also know he's way too cheap to pay Murray and Murray parking control services
to patrol his empty gravel parking lot. As I parked I could see them in their security car, behind their plastic badges, smiling and probably doubting that I was even married, etc..

After this final parking choice I ran across the road, and knocked on his window.
"Does your jurisdiction extend to the chip truck lot across the street?"
"No sir"
"Sir, can I just say something?"
"You seem to be having a bad day bla bla ,, bla bla bla bla bla bla and I probably would have let you go if it had been you coming out of the bar bla bla bla bla bla bla but bla bla..."

And then I realized that he, in his own way, might have been trying to do me a slight favor, by actually warning me he was towing my car.. So.. I apologized for being short with him. And he said..

"I been doing this job for 14 years, and if I know one thing bla bla bla bla..."

And all I was thinking was that guarding pavement for 14 years is about 13 years too long.. But hey, he has the same last name as the company, so it may be his, or his Dad's , or a sibling's.

I was late, I left, found my wife, met her co-workers including the one who had married a girl from Russia recently (some web mail-order thing I think. I've seen movies about this. Maybe she looks like Nicole Kidman). As I left I drove past the security car, in my truck, with my wife and waved.

I don't think I could ever do a job like that. It's like being a Green Hornet. Why would you want to be hated by people every day? I think it takes a special kind of person to do that kind of job.

Protect the pavement!!!!!!


kirok said...

He's out there again tonight. It's just up the street for me. Want me to bring him some coffee and doughnuts on your behalf? :-)

Zartimus said...

No but can you get a jack-hammer and take out a small square of pavement in front of his car for me? See if he does anything.

Tell him Mike Hunt sent you.