Thursday, April 20, 2006

Slava's tales of torture - Not the plastic monkeys! Nooooooo!

Slava regaled us with tales of his childhood tortures at the hands of his evil brother the other day. Some of the techniques were quite ingenious. Among my favorites is the time his older brother dug out a deep concave funnel in the snowbank in front of his house. It was probably 4 and a half feet deep. Then he took the water hose which had just been used to ice down the backyard skating rink and he proceeded to make the walls and floor of this icy prison slick and un-climbable and then he sought out Slava and deposited him in the hole and went inside the house for the evening. An hour later Slava's father arrived home to hear cries of "Help me...... Help...." and I can only assume he extricated him..
Slava shared a room with his older brother and was often fast asleep when his sibling would arrive home late and get ready for bed. Slava's brother would take this opportunity to remove his sweaty socks and drape them over Slava's face while Slava slumbered (for the next 4 seconds or so). He would awaken abruptly coughing and choking with a sock in his mouth.
Then, my favorite.. The Barrel of Monkeys. We all had barrels of Monkeys when we were kids and Slava was no different. Except his brother would take these pointy little plastic monkeys and arrange them in Slave's bed as he slept so Slava would roll over onto them in his sleep and end up tossing and turning all night, monkeys flying to and fro, in an advanced state of childhood sleep deprivation.. .. In some cases if he was sleeping on his side, the monkeys would be placed standing up, holding Slava up like a lean-to so that if he rolled over he'd be poked mercilessly by their evil plastic monkey hands.

Man.. I'm glad I'm the eldest in my family.

1 comment:

Lifto said...

My oldest brother, who made a career in torturing me, once rolled me up in a blanket, wrapped it with an extension cord and stuffed me between the matress and the boxspring with just my head sticking out. He left me there all afternoon... My neck was killing my when he finally let me out.